The Letter
by Buffy Loves Spike
Summary: Buffy's letter to Spike in Touched. This story also explains how Spike knew where Buffy was in End of Days and what Spike said in Chosen. Please review first Buffy fic


A/N I do not own BtVS. If I did Spike never would have died Review my story I'll review one of yours  
  
When Spike woke up from his wonderful dream, the one where Buffy told him that she  
  
loved him, he reached for Buffy only to find that she wasn't there. In her place there  
  
was a letter, Spike picked it up and started to read it.  
  
Dear Spike,  
  
I left you this letter because I really had to go. I didn't want to because the only place I  
  
feel wanted and loved is in your arms. Yes you read that right loved, I know you love me  
  
so I feel like I should tell you this.  
  
I love you. I know you don't believe me, but I don't know if I'll be able to see you  
  
again. I'm going to the vineyard to kill Caleb, so I might not come back and tell you face  
  
to face. I love you Spike and I think I always have in the back of my mind.  
  
The first time I saw you at Parent Teacher night I thought you were cocky and full of  
  
yourself, but in my mind you were VERY attractive. As I got to know you even a little I  
  
relised that your Big Bad attuide was just the exterior. That you were more capable love  
  
than Angel was even if I didn't want acknowledge that.  
  
When you helped me defeat Angel my opinion of you changed. Before I thought you  
  
didn't care about anything but yourself, but that helped me see how much love you're  
  
capable of you risked death by Angelus to help me save the world.  
  
Then when you came back after Dru left you and I saw you in the kitchen with my mom I  
  
remember feeling sorry for and even empathic. I knew even then how it felt when you  
  
were left by the one you love. When Angel left for good I wanted to die, I had that death  
  
wish you told me about. And the weird thing was I wanted it to be you to kill me.  
  
After you came back a second time I was relived to be fighting you again. And fighting  
  
you with the Ring of Amara on, it was envigorating I wish now I would have kept that  
  
stupid ring so you could have it back now that your good. When you got chip I  
  
remember thinking that was good cause I couldn't kill you when you were helpless.  
  
After Willow did her will be done spell I remember feeling you love for me then and I  
  
felt more complete than ever. Willow broke her spell and I felt the loss and I hated it.  
  
Adam tried to kill us and you helped but I see your reasoning even if I don't agree.  
  
That next year was shear hell. I found out my sister wasn't really my sister, my mom had  
  
a brain tumor, and Riely left me. When you told me there was something between us and  
  
said that you loved me, I denied it because I thought I didn't want there to be. But I did I  
  
enjoyed being with you more than anyone else then. When mom died Angel came back  
  
and stayed with me at her grave and I kept wishing that it was you. After that things just  
  
got worse. The only bright spot in my life was you, I trusted you with my sister and still  
  
do. I think I knew that night I would die and I wish I would have told you how I felt then  
  
but I couldn't the words got stuck. That's why in the Magic box I said I loved all of you I  
  
ment you too.  
  
When I was in heaven I saw you and the rest, you took care of my sister when the others  
  
didn't.  
  
I came back and you knew what I was feeling. I trusted you with my seceret, and you  
  
kept it. My friends wanted me to go back to normal life so fast but you knew how hard it  
  
was. After the song fest I knew that we would be together somehow. After our rather  
  
interesting "relationship" when I told you using you was killing me it was true. That's  
  
why I left you, not because I wanted too.  
  
While you were gone it was horrible. I missed you so bad and so did Dawn. The only Thing I had left of you was that stupid coat you always wore. I put it on every day to try  
  
and remember you. I forgave for the bathroom thing. It wasn't just your fault I should  
  
have left how I did.  
  
When you came back and I found about your soul that made me love you even more.  
  
Then the First took you and I thought that just as I got you back you were gone for good  
  
and I couldn't stand that thought. After I got you back I thought everything would be  
  
OK, of course I was wrong. The First made you kill again and I thought I'd have to kill  
  
you, I almost wanted you to bite me so I wouldn't have to. The chip was torturing you  
  
and it was killing me. When it came out I still trusted you maybe even more than before.  
  
And tonight you were wonderful. My love for reached it's peak tonight when you told  
  
me how much you loved me. When I said I didn't want to be the one I lied, I do want to  
  
be the one. It ment more than you know to me to have you just hold me tonight. And I  
  
know I want to spend the rest of my life with you be it a few hours or an eternity.  
  
I have to go now the next time I say that I love you it will be face to face. When I tell  
  
you I want to know exactly what you were thinking when you read this. Say what you  
  
were thinking and I know no matter what it will mean that you love me too.  
  
Love Buffy  
  
Spike's POV  
  
I can't believe it my dream, it came true. Of course she wrote it in a letter and didn't tell  
  
me face to face. She probably won't believe me when I tell her that my first thought was  
  
"No you don't, but thanks for telling me."  
  
And I CAN NOT believe she went after Caleb alone I have to go back her up. And more  
  
importantly tell her my reaction to the letter. 


End file.
